Though Brian and I loved each other from day one, we were friends first. Our friendship was our priority and that priority made all the difference.
Our friendship formed almost one year after meeting while living in two different cities over three hours apart. We slowly grew to know one another over texting, phone calls, and spending time together in group settings in public. I learned Brian had just started a fast from dating with the goal of centering his heart on God and focusing on a relationship with Him. Knowing Brian’s heart was centered around the One all hearts should be centered on attracted me immediately. This is, until I found out this “dating fast” would be ONE year long.
I remember initially pouting and hoping the fast wouldn’t last . . . but for only a minute. Almost immediately my heart’s selfishness changed. I wanted this “dating fast” for Brian to happen and to last! I wanted his relationship with God to grow and for him to focus on the man he knew he needed to be for his future wife. That is what he wanted and that is what I wanted for him. It was what I wanted for his future wife. I respected him enough to protect that commitment he had.
Despite knowing about his dating fast I knew he was the one I wanted my future to be with. I knew it from the moment I truly knew his heart. I knew I could not act on those feelings, be self-centered in my actions, and pray selfishly for him to see me as more than a friend. I did not want to jeopardize the friendship we had built.
In my heart what I wanted most was for Brian to be my best friend.
Having past relationships where I was not friends first with the guy I dated eventually lead to selfishness or lack of commitment because the beginning foundation was no longer holding true. Let me explain.
Every relationship begins with butterflies, giddiness, constant romance and lots of expectation. Relationships naturally progress past the bubbly romance feelings that you experience the first several months. If you only know how to be around each other and spend time by kissing and being romantic all the time, what happens to your relationship when those feelings fade? You have to know how to be friends first to have a solid foundation for when the bubbly feelings fade.
I may not get butterflies every single time Brian holds my hand like I did when he first held it but I do get feelings of comfort, feeling safe, and feeling oh so loved every single time he now holds my hand. I feel comforted knowing he will always be there for me. I feel safe because I know he will always protect me and my heart. And I feel loved because I know above all else, he loves me as his best friend even when I fail as his wife.
On the days I do not love him as a spouse should, or the times I fail at being the romantic wife I know he needs, I know he knows I am still and forever his best friend. Sometimes we find ourselves saying, “you are my best friend” over “I love you” because we simply love one another for being our other half, our best friend.
When people come to us for relationship advice we usually always begin with the question, “Is your significant other your very best friend?”
I love doing life with this man at my side and I love being able to first and foremost call him my best friend . . . because he was of course my friend first.
Love always, Kylie